Cruisin'

In these perilous economic times, not as many people can just pick up and go on a cruise. So how about going on a fantasy cruise, a pretend trip, an imaginary sail?

Let's go together. I'll show you the way. I'll be your guide. It will be fun, I guarantee you. And it will be free for the taking.

Taking a cruise takes a little work beforehand. You have to decide what to wear, which means you have to study the cruise line documents for suggested dress, and for the cruise's itinerary. Packing carefully is a good way to get off on the right foot for fun. You have to arrange for someone to water your plants and for the care of your dog, and for a ride to the airport.

It usually takes a plane ride to take a cruise, unless you live near a port. Then it takes a bus or cab ride to the dock where the ship is preparing for its next trip. Those who do not arrive on time miss the boat. . . and all the fun.

Everyone boards the ship after almost all the supplies have been loaded. The cruise ship sails. You follow the signs to your cabin, only to hear that you will have to participate in the lifeboat drill the very first thing. Taking your own life vest from the cabin, you make your way to an assigned station and learn how to save your own life in case of bad, bad, trouble. But take heart. And take note. You only have to do it once during the whole trip.

Now everyone is anxious to get unpacked and to find their way around the ship. Often, by the time you are through with life boat drills, your bags have arrived at your cabin. Your cabin has a closet and plenty of drawers and space for all your things. That is the beauty of cruising -- no packing and unpacking as you travel from place to place. You will be hungry and wondering what's for supper by now, and whether to change for dinner in the dining room. Or you might decide to eat at one of the more casual places that abound on board.

If you eat in the dining room, traditionally, you will probably be seated at the same table with the same people throughout the cruise, except at lunch, which is normally open seating. And you will get to know each other fairly well, often exchanging Christmas cards with them for a year or two. You will order from a menu and it will be some of the finest food ever, for "free."

Meals are included in the price of the cruise. You will need to take money for liquor, tips, on shore excursions, gambling and whatever you purchase from the ship's shops or on shore. Tips are given to the room steward, the bartender, your waiter, the wine steward, and the Maitre'd. All the live entertainment is free, as are the midnight buffets. So cruises offer almost the very best value for your travel dollar.

Entertainment on board varies widely. The lounges sometimes have a small group of musicians. There will always be some kind of stage shows or productions, two a night. Daytime entertainment might include a tour of the ship's bridge, the kitchen, a chef's demo, silly games and dance contests, bridge, a casino and special excursions at almost all ports of call. Solitary activities include a jogging track, swimming pool, a spa, a library, computers, or just sitting on a deck chair watching the waves and the sea birds. Or sleeping, or eating, or eating, or eating. Save your biggest clothes for the end of the trip, as you will gain weight. You cannot help it unless you are anorexic.

And before you know it your three or seven or 14 days are up and you arrive, safe, sound and relaxed at home port. You have tipped generously for absolutely wonderful service. You have your purchases from exotic places, along with instructions on how to pay the duties, if needed. And, hopefully, you have something to wear home, as your packed bags have been picked up the night before.

You will come home with a bit of a suntan, a few extra pounds, lovely memories, new friends, treasures from other countries, and a bit of laundry to do. And your will be thinking of where you want to go on your next cruise. . . very soon. I can almost guarantee it. In fact, now I am in the mood for a trip, myself.


My topical post today at South by Southwest and The Reaction is about politics.

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